Tough Mommy Days . . .

  Some days are harder than others as a parent (obviously). But the days I struggle with the most are the days when I have to become "Mean Mommy" instead of a buddy to Austyn. It's so hard and breaks my heart when I have to seriously discipline her. There have been very few times when she has needed a major attitude adjustment. In the moment I don't have a problem disciplining her because she has pushed me too far, but it's so hard to follow through when she is so upset with herself and just wants me to hold her and love her.  When she is telling me how sorry she is and how much she loves me, and pleading with me "NOT TO TELL DADDY!". I just want to hold her and tell her it's ok, but I know she wont learn from her actions that way. I know how lucky I am to have such a wonderful, caring, smart, helpful daughter. My heart melts every time I see her playing with Quade. There isn't a better big sister in the world than her. She is so kind to him and loves teaching him new things. I can't get over how amazing she is in every way. I just am so thankful and blessed that I don't have to get her in trouble very often. It cracks me up how leary Austyn is of Jordan when he never has to get ornery with her like I do. I can't remember the last time he gave Austyn a whipping. She is so scared of "Daddy talks". She would rather take a beating instead of getting a "Daddy talk". But I remember feeling the same way growing up. I would much rather get in trouble with my Mom instead of my Dad. If we ever got in trouble with my Dad it was more of the "I'm disappointed in you talks". Those sucked. So I can totally relate to how she is feeling. With that said, I may or may not use Jordan against her when needed. It's the only leverage I have with her. 

  Now Quade is a different story (as usual. I'm beginning to see a pattern here). This probably sounds terrible but I could whip Quade all day long and not feel a bit bad about it. That little fart deserves every whipping and time-out he gets, plus some. So I guess the disipline equals itself out between both kids.